That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
