If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
