As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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