and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
