don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
