Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
