i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
