You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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