You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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