I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
