Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
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was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
being pregnant is like rehab
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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