All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do you have feelings for this penis?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
