It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
