my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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