and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...