just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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