dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
