My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You're a waste of cheezeits
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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