I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
