you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
