Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
