no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
