so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
