My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
