Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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