apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
