how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
