I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
