I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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