Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
