When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
