The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Come see our sink grown plant.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
