i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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