Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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