I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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