did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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