Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.

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  (617): his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family. http://tfl.nu/jlgb
  Replies (4) Good night (573) Bad night (4044)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.

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  (508): the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell. http://tfl.nu/o2wo
  Replies (12) Good night (796) Bad night (5976)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.

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  (519): Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation. http://tfl.nu/lz4o
  Replies (17) Good night (4114) Bad night (899)
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  (858): View more from California

  Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.

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  (858): Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today. http://tfl.nu/g96b
  Replies (10) Good night (3459) Bad night (1412)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.

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  (612): And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer. http://tfl.nu/cz4h
  Replies (8) Good night (4452) Bad night (2019)
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  (+06): View more from

  We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.

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  (+06): We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away. http://tfl.nu/dvn1
  Replies (13) Good night (6387) Bad night (1016)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.

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  (785): A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard. http://tfl.nu/wz0w
  Replies (10) Good night (2987) Bad night (951)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.

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  (519): Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid. http://tfl.nu/3gm4
  Replies (9) Good night (2546) Bad night (747)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs

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  (301): not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs http://tfl.nu/cui3
  Replies (6) Good night (2577) Bad night (1082)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...

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  (517): She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name... http://tfl.nu/ngxr
  Replies (17) Good night (4850) Bad night (892)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.

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  (732): Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate. http://tfl.nu/stwp
  Replies (9) Good night (1544) Bad night (626)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.

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  (785): God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr. http://tfl.nu/5tpq
  Replies (5) Good night (1312) Bad night (563)
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  (+32): View more from Belgium

  It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched

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  (+32): It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched http://tfl.nu/cbi6
  Replies (3) Good night (941) Bad night (458)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Not as covert as you thought huh?

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  (740): Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years (614): Not as covert as you thought huh? http://tfl.nu/u7wd
  Replies (6) Good night (1225) Bad night (527)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....

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  (717): I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan.... http://tfl.nu/dpdm
  Replies (3) Good night (285) Bad night (370)

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