dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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