Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing