I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit