Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.