dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
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Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
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I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.