that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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