I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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