i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
