Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
