Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
