She told me I should be a condom model.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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