Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
