sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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