just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I would fuck him just for his dog
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