I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Send help, water and tortillas.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
