I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
smell my finger.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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