just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
