At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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