if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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