Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
