She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
