How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
