cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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