I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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