Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
