She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
