She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just cropdusted the office
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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