You're so nebulous sometimes
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
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I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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