I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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