i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
